I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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