I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
