I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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