scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
