a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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