You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
