This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
