i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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