i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
