Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
