Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
