I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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