I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
