There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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