are you so shy because you have an std?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
