I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
