he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
