omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
