So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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