have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
is that a dick in a sweater?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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