imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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