my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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