It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
