It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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