is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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