At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
