It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
