It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
