I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
