my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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