Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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