Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
