If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
