I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
