When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
