guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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