I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just pee around me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
