Dual....:-)
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
