I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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