Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
