He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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