well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
