just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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