I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
