and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
