I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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