dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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