You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
