he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I believe in your delicious
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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