His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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